“Funky Cold Medina” is a hip hop song written by Young MC, Michael L. Ross and Matt Dike, and first performed by Tone Lōc. It was the second single from Lōc’s debut album Lōc-ed After Dark (1989). The single was released on March 18, 1989, and rose to #3 on the Billboard Hot 100 the following month. It peaked on the UK Singles Chart at #13 in May of that year. The song title refers to a fictional aphrodisiac, which is presented in the accompanying video as a steaming love potion. The lyrics tell the tale of Lōc’s initially unsuccessful attempts to attract women at a bar. At the suggestion of another patron, he plies his intended with “that medina thing.” He first tests the drink on his dog, who immediately latches onto his leg and attempts to arouse himself sexually, and subsequently becomes quite popular with his fellow canines. Lōc’s subsequent encounters with women also backfire on him; first he attracts a transsexual woman, and then a woman intent on marriage from the very first date (recounting his experiences on the game show Love Connection). In the end, Lōc concludes the concoction is simply not worth the trouble (and the video shows him regretfully emptying the bottle into a storm drain). After the song became popular, several different cocktails were introduced bearing the name “Funky Cold Medina.” Wikipedia®.
Tone Loc – Funky Cold Medina (Official Video)
In 1959, The Clovers recorded Love Potion #9, and took almost 30 more years before another song about a powerful aphrodisiac became a big hit. In this song, Loc’s love potion is the Funky Cold Medina, which is so powerful it even works on dogs. Loc makes it clear that you have to be very careful with the Medina, or it could have unintended consequences, like marriage. Songfacts®.
Tone Loc – Funky Cold Medina Lyrics:
Alright, dig it.
Cold coolin at a bar, and I’m lookin for some action
But like Mike Jagger said, I can’t get no satisfaction
The girls are all around, but none of them wanna get with me
My threads are fresh and I’m lookin def, yo, what’s up with L-o-c?
The girls is all jockin at the other end of the bar
Havin drinks with some no-name chump, when they know that I’m the star
So I got up and strolled over to the other side of the cantina
I asked the guy, “Why you so fly?” he said, “Funky Cold Medina”
Funky Cold Medina
This brother told me a secret on how to get more chicks
Put a little Medina in your glass, and the girls’ll come real quick
It’s better than any alcohol or aphrodisiac
A couple of sips of this love potion, and she’ll be on your lap
So I gave some to my dog when he began to beg
Then he licked his bowl and he looked at me and did the wild thing on my leg
He used to scratch and bite me, before he was much much meaner
But now all the poodles run to my house for the Funky Cold Medina
You know what I’m sayin?
I got every dog in my neighborhood breakin down my door
I got Spuds McKenzie
Alex from Stroh’s
They won’t leave my dog alone with that Medina, pal
I went up to this girl, she said, “Hi, my name is Sheena”
I thought she’d be good to go with a little Funky Cold Medina
She said, “I’d like a drink,” I said, “Ehm – ok, I’ll go get it”
Then a couple sips she cold licked her lips, and I knew that she was with it
So I took her to my crib, and everything went well as planned
But when she got undressed, it was a big old mess, Sheena was a man
So I threw him out, I don’t fool around with no Oscar Meyer wiener
You must be sure that the girl is pure for the Funky Cold Medina
You know, ain’t no plans with a man
This is the 80’s, and I’m down with the ladies
Ya know?
Break it down
Back in the saddle, lookin for a little affection
I took a shot as a contestant on _The Love Connection_
The audience voted, and you know they picked a winner
I took my date to the Hilton for Medina and some dinner
She had a few drinks, I’m thinkin soon what I’ll be gettin
Instead she started talkin ’bout plans for our weddin
I said, “Wait, slow down, love, not so fast says, I’ll be seein ya”
That’s why I found you don’t play around with the Funky Cold Medina
Ya know what I’m sayin
That Medina’s a monster, y’all
